I keep getting jealous and upset over the most stupid of things. I keep telling myself to calm down and take a breather, which works occasionally, but I just can’t help it when it’s pretty much in my face almost all the time. Not that I really mind I guess, but after awhile it gets really mentally tiring… and then I get upset with myself for being upset in the first place because I really have no valid reason to be like that in the first place.

I want to rp. I really do. Legretta and Sheena have some awesome threads that I really need to respond to and I look forward to having replies to work with in the future. It’s just… I’m not up for it. Not right now, anyway. Maybe later tomorrow or something. I’m just finding it incredibly difficult to sit down and actually putting myself in a mental state of either of the two characters and accurately try to portray them. Legretta especially, seeing as she’s dealing with some pretty hefty threads at the moment.

I’m almost… against logging in on Sheena though. I guess it’s mostly because of all these bitties that keep popping up. I love them all, I really do, and I love the fact people are having so much fun with the idea. I would really love to have Sheena interact with each of them, but I feel as if nowadays ‘adopting’ a bitty has become almost… ‘competitive’, in a way. I joke around a lot saying Sheena’s a ‘bitty Trainer’ and is going to ‘collect them all’, but honestly I hate this underlying sense of competition this thing has seemed to turn into.

Maybe nobody else see’s it like that, and it may very well be coming from my somewhat over protective/possessive nature, but… ugh. I dunno. It frustrates me that I can’t keep up with things and people keep saying ‘Oooh Sheena needs to watch out for her bitties~’. It’s cute and funny, yeah, but it gets… really tiring after awhile, you guys. Not to mention upsetting.

It’s just… really tiring, and I find it kind of upsetting. I mean yeah, Sheena will probably never get close or let alone know everyone or all of the bitties, and it’s stupid of me to think that she has sole ‘custody’ or whatever the hell you want to call it over the kids - I just get envious at the idea of other people ‘stealing’ them away, I guess… Which they aren’t, but like I said, I get kind of… possessive, I suppose. It’s been so long since I’ve had the chance to experience these amazing connections between characters that I guess it becomes kind of personal for me. Or something. I’m not really even sure any more.

There’s also other things… but eugh. It’s all so stupid and selfish and now I’m getting upset again. I want to talk about this, but I always feel greedy and I’m afraid of being judged for this, and having people’s opinions change on me and the way I portray my character because of it.

… augh. fuck. I don’t know. I’m heading to bed before I get even more overly emotional over this.